Tonight is one of those nights I want to throw my last post out of the door and just sob. My heart is so heavy tonight. I'm really missing her and really longing for her. I keep seeing all these pregnancy/baby posts and it just reminds me that is all over for me :( I just wish she was here. I was just thinking man it's about to be April. I'm suppose to have an almost one month old baby. Instead I have an empty rock n play, clothes packed up and empty arms. Days like today I feel like my heart is being trampled on. Who am I kidding? My heart has been trampled on..and ripped and thrown into pieces. The worst part is the only solution is not achievable.
Someone posted the other day if I could ask God one question (besides why) what would it be? My answer would have to be does she know how much I love and miss her? I always wonder if she knows how much my heart aches, or if she knows how much I long for her. I really have so many questions, but I just need her to know she is loved and missed and all I ever wanted was her.
Below is my favorite picture of us. Me gazing at her after a rough and brutal labor and thinking how beautiful she is. I wish I could go back and pause this moment. I just want to hold her again..
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