Why not me?

I know since Kins has passed, many times I have thought why me? But a good point was brought to my attention the other night. Why NOT me? What makes me so special for this to not happen to me. I think we are brain washed into believing if we are that 'good mother' and we do everything right our children will grow up and be successful or live for that matter. Same goes with pregnancy. If we eat right and take all our vitamins, we will have the perfect outcome. However, this is not true. Bad things happen to good people. Being the perfect mother or having the perfect pregnancy does not mean we will get the good outcome. It's a very morbid thought actually, but that is how life is. How many times of you heard of a drunk driver killing another person in an accident and they come out with no scratch? So my conclusion is, I have to stop being the victim of this loss. Kinsley wants me to live for her. Yes, my loss is still very new, and very fresh. However, I can point out on several occasions where I let my loss get the best of me. From now on, I plan to try my best to live and be the survivor for Kins. She isn't going to get to do anything, because she was taken too soon. But me? I can do many things, And i will. Life is worth living, and it's worth living for her. I don't want to look back and realize I was the one who couldn't take my loss and use it in a positive way. What this positive thing is going to be? I'm not sure yet, but I'm going to start with the little things. Surely along the way, with the guidance I will find that big positive thing. But for now, all I ca do is take it day by day and live for Kinsley.