Support group.

Tonight I went to my first support group. It was HARD. It made me realize I was that grieving parent and that I have to face Kinsleys passing. I couldn't even make it through the lady asking about why I was there. I couldn't even introduce myself. But actually, as the night went on, it got easier. The support group was compassionate friends. It's a support group for bereaved parents, not necessarily stillbirth parents. It was nice to have people around me who get it, but still I feel like my loss did not fit in. Next month I'm going to try the stillbirth support group and see if that is a better fit. However, I'm proud of myself for going, I know Kinsley is proud too. She's got to be looking down telling her angel friends how strong her momma was tonight to get up and go for her. I did it for her. I do everything for her and Bentley. They are my reasons for being. I want to make both of them proud, and I feel like tonight I made her proud. I got to tell everyone how beautiful she was and about her life- something I LOVE to do. I love talking about her. She is my pride and joy, just like her brother. It's funny how when we become parents we no longer brag about our cars or material things like that, we brag about our children. Things change so much when you become a parent. You learn about a love that cannot be put into words. We strive to teach our children about life, but they really end up teaching us about life.  Being a mother has brought out the best in me. Kinsley and Bentley have brought out the best in me. I'm just such a proud momma. My promise to them, is to make them just as proud of me. I know this post has been one big ramble and is probably so scattered but tonight's meeting really opened my eyes some. I have to live for her. I have to make her proud, I just have to.

I would highly recommend any bereaved parent to go to a support group. It truly helps even to make you just feel like you are not alone. In the support group you are no longer the crazy one. You don't have people judging you and avoiding you and your loss. They welcome you with open arms and you can talk and share anything you would like. It's just very comforting. I know I've felt in the past 2 months people feel uncomfortable around me, avoid me and probably talk about me behind my back like I'm that crazy person...but tonight, that didn't matter because I was around people who were just like me.