It's been awhile since I have written so here I go again... The past couple days have been easier, but I'm just waiting for it to hit me like a ton of bricks again. It always does. I'm going to go to my first support group this week. I'm excited to be around people who get me, but then again I'm nervous because this is a support group for bereaved parents, not necessarily stillbirth parents. I'm scared they will reject my loss. I'm sure they won't, but it's just my fear. I feel like my loss is always rejected. Like just because she didn't live outside of the womb meant she shouldn't be mourned. It's probably all in my head, or just my overwhelming fear of someone being negative towards my grief. Anyways, I hope Thursday goes well....I will update then.
For now, I'm waiting for a 'sign'. Something where I feel like that was her, or that she's okay. I don't think it's happened yet, but I'm waiting. I want so badly to feel her presence. I know I carry her around with me, but I want to know she's here. I pray she watches over me and our family, but I want to know she is. I'm not sure why I have these doubts, it irks me, but I do..please Kinsley, show me something. I need something...anything.
No comments:
Post a Comment