Why?

At what point do you raise the white flag and say my body isn't meant to bare children? After 3 losses I feel like it's time to give up. I feel like my body is saying to me it's time to throw in the towel and move on from child baring. Do I want to end on a loss? No. Do I want a big family with more kids? Yes. Could I handle another loss? NO. And I think that says it all. How will I ever come to terms with having just one living child? My heart longs for more children. I love being a mother. Maybe because ive experienced the losses or maybe because that's just who I am, but either way the longing remains.  And giving up on that will be more heaviness on my heart. However, losing another child would be unbearable. Could my heart hold the pain along with all the pain it already has? I don't think so. I think mentally, emotionally and physically, I could not handle another loss. I feel so cheated. Why me? I'm a good mother. I don't beat my child. I don't starve him, I'm not mean to him and I would never hurt him in anyway. So why should I not be blessed with children? Why do all these crappy parents get multiple, beautiful children who they mistreat/hurt/abuse ect..? It's so unfair. Kinsley deserved a life. She deserved everything. And that will never happen. Probably because of my crappy body. I wish she was here so badly. I would give my life just to have hers back. It's hard not to question why when an innocent life was stolen too soon. I just miss her so much.