Without her

The main question on my mind, is how do I go on? How will I ever live without Kinsley? Yes I've managed to wake up everyday and go through it, but how will I LIVE without her? Meaning, how will my life ever be happy and have purpose again? I get through my days just because. They aren't joyous, I'm not happy and I'm not okay. They just go by. I eat, I sleep and I take care of Bentley to the best of my ability (which seems lacking right now). I have no desire, passion or just anything anymore. It feels all the life has been sucked out of me. It's so hard losing a child. So incredibly and extremely hard. I hate this had to happen. I hate that I can't be the mother Bentley needs. Will I ever be the mother Bentley needs again? Will I ever be more then a sad grieving mother? It sure doesn't feel like I will. I know I will always be sad. I know I will always miss her. However, I want to be bentleys mother too. I want to enjoy my son and be there for him, but I just can't. And that makes me sad too. It would be so easy if I could just bring her back. Just have her here..or if we could just have a day trip to heaven to visit her.