People

Life always has to kick you while you're down doesn't it? To add on top of my grief, I sit in the hospital bed typing this saying I have meningitis. Could this past month of been worse? Well technically, yes, but still... It's been a bad month. I figured I was just getting sick from being depressed and not staying on top of my health lately,but I figured it was just a cold or something like that. Never in a million years, did I expect to have meningitis. Just my luck (that very bad luck as of lately). And to add the cherry on top, this is the hospital I gave birth to Kins in. I sat here in this same hospital, a month after saying hello and goodbye to her, beng reminded of everything all over again.

And I had planned to go to support group tonight, but now I can't even do that. Everything seems to keep falling through for me. I really wanted to go. To hear I wasn't alone. To know that how I'm dealing with this is okay, because everyone seems to think I'm some nutcase who needs medication. I will say, I now see why everyone keeps it bundled inside, because people will judge and treat you like you're a crazy person. At least that's how I feel. I keep getting suggestions that's need to get on meds and crap like that. How about not. It is natural for me to be depressed and sad. I just lost my daughter. Give me a break. I don't need medicine, I need Kinsley. But since I can't have Kinsley, I blog, I talk to my online support groups, and I keep it to myself.  I'm sorry it's so easy for everyone to move on, but its only been a little over four weeks..how can they expect me to be so happy so soon? It's irritating. It makes me not want to talk to anyone who hasn't been through this again and I probably won't. I just feel really alone. And i just really miss her...a lot.