Angry

What I've learned in the past two days is answers don't equal peace. I've had time to let these answers sink in and I certainly have not found peace. I'm grateful there is an answer- that we don't have to spend the rest of our lives wondering why. However, I still can't come to terms. Then again, I'm not sure if I will ever come to terms. Like my doctor told me this morning, there is always going to be an emptiness in my heart. An emptiness nobody will ever be able to fill.  That spot is for Kinsley, and Kinsley only.

I would be lying if I said I wasn't angry. I'm every shade of angry. Angry this had to happen to my daughter, angry she didn't survive, and angry this syndrome even exists.  I'm also angry at the results. I feel even more confused now after researching TS,because this condition is so common and very livable. So why didn't she live?  We would have made it work. I would have taken care of her, sick and all. I wouldn't want her to suffer, no mother wants that for their child. But, I did want her to live. And that may be selfish of me, but it's how I truly feel. I would have taken her any way she came, I just deeply wanted her to be alive. That's how much I love her. I'm not sure if I will ever be the same person again. When Kinsley passed, part of me died with her.